Doctors Appoitment

I went to my last doctors appt.(post-op) and it wasn't a pleasant one. I have no more restrictions, no pain, he reminded me that the tumor was benign, I have no more cysts and he reminded me that in order to become pregnant I'd have to do IVF because my tubes are both damaged, I asked him if they can get damaged so quickly because I had had a surgery last year and the doctor I was seeing at the time told me everything was clear and I could get pregnant in less than a year. He then told me that it's very rare for tubes to become so blocked so fast and one of the ways for it to happen so fast was with an infection. I told him that I had a really bad infection during that surgery and he said "well there you go, that's why". He wanted to refer me to an RE so that I could try IVF but I declined. I want to take sometime off the baby thinking and see what happens, I'll ask for the referral when I go to my annual appt. in January. So we will see what will happen, I believe in miracles because I'm a miracle myself as some of you know.

I guess for now I will put pressure on Peter so he can go to the urologyst and work on getting his count up and all of that. I'll keep you guys posted on the issue.

Thanks for reading :)

More....

So on my last post I didn't mention how my vacations at Disney went.....It was fun! Peter stayed home at the end because he's a party pooper...j/k he went out with his friends that weekend. We stayed at this cool Hotel that had a door that connected us to my Aunt's room. I also got to see my cousins daughter Alicia, my other aunt from PR and many more people, we were a total of 15. It was so fun, I really miss having the whole family together. Maybe I'll post a pic or two later.

Now, Peter and I had our 2nd wedding anniversary on Sept 2nd! It was a crappy one because I was still recuperating from my surgery and was in pain but he made it sweet. He made me breakfast in bed, he even wrote me a very thoughtful letter. He wrote things I never thought he would say, I love this man so much he completes part of my life....when I have a baby my life will be complete!

I feel bad because I missed my friend's wedding that was the day before my anniversary and I was still in pain from the surgery. I don't think she understands the extent of my surgery was and how complicated it was for me because I haven't talked to her since. I hope she understands one day and that I didn't do it on purpose, I still love her and hope that she realizes that.

Well I'll be back for more another day...

Hello to ALL!

I know I've been missing for sometime but don't worry I AM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!! My computer's hard drive was messed up so I sent it to get fixed and just got it back. I thought I was gonna go crazy with out my laptop. Here is a little update on what has been going on....

I had surgery in August 14th, it went well they removed a few large cysts and a tumor that I didn't even know I had Thank God it was bening. I'm still recuperating, I'm in some pain now and them but I'm living and that's what matters to me. The doctor informed me that I wasn't going to be able to be a mother by a natural way, and that I would have to do either IVF or adopt. I still have hope and believe that one day God will give me another miracle. For now I will just sit and wait to see what our next step will be. At least I wont be obsessing with the OPK's, HPT's and POAS! I love the fact that most of the people reading this doesn't know what the bold letters mean lol

Changing the subject....Peter and I are finally going to move to another apartment by December, and I'm super excited about it. I love the idea of moving to a new place, my dad said he will come down and visit me when I move and so will my grandmother. Right now Peter is planning on visiting his mom in NJ probably by July or August, he's not sure yet when he wants to go. I'm not going with him because of the opinion that I have on some of his family members. Not that I don't like them but I have short temper and when I lose my temper I tend to be really disrespectful and I don't want anymore problems than I already have so I think it's best if I stay here in Ocala. Maybe I can have my dad and grandma come visit me while he's gone so I'm not alone in the house.


So, I want to thank Kym, Natalie and Kristen for not forgetting about me and for always being supportive

Luv ya girls!

This is it for now

Update on life!

Everything is going good except that I'm not pregnant YET! Anyway, it sucks that I have to go through another surgery on august to remove my baby head sized cysts(I'm not even sure that just made sense but OH WELL). I have 3 large cysts that are bis as a baby's head, no wonder I have been having a lot of back pain and everything else.

I feel like I have betrayed my fellow FF's since I stopped posting in our group. So I publicly wanted to say I'm sorry :( when all those pregnancies came one after the other I got somewhat upset and jealous, I am very happy for you girls I swear but that's just how I felt at that moment. I love you girls and you have given me all the support I have needed. So once again I'm sorry I acted selfishly.

So now that I got that out my chest I feel much better, next week I'm going to Disney with my family that is coming down from Puerto Rico. I'm quite excited since I haven't been to Disney since 2002? or 2003? something like that. It should be a interesting month with all my family visiting. Peter is not that excited about going but he won't stay either lol he's one weird man.

So this is it for me now, I have to go call my dad so he can tell me I was right about Queen Elizabeth II...I'll post later about our debate with the Queen.

Love you All!

Life is great!

So I've been having some problems with Peter but they are all solved now. I feel much better because I was feeling a bit depressed on the past week. All problems come at the same time but thank God there is always peace after a storm(or something like that lol).

Anyway, I love having my brother around, he means the world to me and I don't think he has realized that yet. I love him like I would love my own, we have both had tough times growing up and I think that's what gave us that unique bond we have. I would give everything I have for that boy, I still remember when he was born it was the happiest day of my life. Now he's growing and next thing I'll know he's married and living far from me.

Anyway, yesterday I was talking to my mom and she told me a very ironic thing. She's in Miami with some friends and one of the couples are about my age maybe a year younger and they have 4 kids I believe, and the girl told my mom that she would give anything to have my life, married, no kids and have all the time of the world to enjoy life and my mom's reply was "this is Ironic, my daughter would give anything and everything to have your life, married with kids"

I don't know why some people with kids wish they didn't have kids so they can enjoy life while people like me who struggles to get pregnant would give it all to at least have one baby. I don't know why those people can't seem to enjoy life with kids! It's a mystery for me.

BTW I want to congratulate my friend Kristen, she's finally pregnant, and I'm so happy for her. She deserves this, she's gone through so much. YAY! Love Ya girl!

Sad

Today I had a doctor's appointment for an ultrasound and it went ok I guess. My cysts are much bigger and the tech. said I would need surgery since I have Endometriomas Cysts A.K.A as Chocolate Cysts, she also said I would probably need to have my right ovary removed which freaks me out to even think about it.

I have a hard time TTC with two ovaries imagine with just 1. I don't know what to do, I don't want to have surgery or have my ovary removed. When I got home I started freaking out and even had a panic attack, my mom had to calm me down. To make things ever frustrating as I walked in the docs office every woman there was pregnant and there was this girl I have known since she was a little girl and she already is 16 and 8 months pregnant and having a baby because her mom wants her too. She doesn't want to be pregnant or have the baby I do hope so she changes her mind as soon as she sees her beautiful baby born. Stuff like that makes me mad, women, girls that don't want to be pregnant or don't deserve to be mother's pop out kids like crazy, and me who have been waiting, hoping, praying for a miracle child can't have one. Life is not fair sometimes, and it's hard. I believe in God and that everything happens with a purpose but I sometimes feel like I'm loosing my faith. I haven't done nothing wrong to deserve what I'm going through, all I want is a baby to hold and to love. I hate it when people tell me "it's not the time yet" I always wonder inside how much longer I have to wait, I feel like I could win the lottery before I even get blessed with a child, actually I don't even think that will happen.

When I feel pregnant and take a test I worry so much because it makes me wonder if it's wrong or how long will it be until I lose it. Every time I lose a baby I keep losing my faith, people say God is testing me but why. What else does he wants from me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm just so depressed today

Stress

Well after Peter and I talking seriously a few nights ago, we decided that we won't be trying to have kids anymore, at least for now. We just don't think it's the right time anymore with all the stress we are going through lately. We also agreed that we won't be spending the extra money we have and decided to start saving. So far we have been doing good in the saving department, we won't be eating out, only on special occasions, buying stuff we don't need, wasting the money in dumb stuff. I calculated that if we do this for a straight year we will have enough money to complete our wedding savings account and we could have the wedding of OUR dreams, which is really big bc we both have big families and most of the money we have will be gone only in food and we don't even have a lot of guests(Only 150 and 70% of them are kids).So if we commit to this we will have a 2009 wedding, maybe I'll wait to 2010 so we can renew our vows in our 5Th year anniversary.

It's amazing how Peter and I have stuck together through thick and thin. I really don't like his family(except his dad..RIP, and maternal grandmother...RIP), they want everything their way. and in the middle of the convo asks me why does Peter has to tell me where he is going out to and I told him because he wants to and because that's the responsible thing to do. I don't care where or who is Peter with bc I trust him but he tells me bc I tell him when I go out. He's not my father and I'm not his mother but I'd be very pissed if I came home and didn't find him home. I don't find inappropriate that a wife knows where her husband is. I always knew Italians were really possessive but this Italian family goes beyond possessive they are crazy...